NEWSFLASH: Adults have SPD too

This post contains information that NEEDS to be said. Warning: the following may cause epiphany, sudden awakening of the soul, and Oprah’s “ah-ha” moment. Proceed with caution.

Approximately 93% – I just calculated that statistic in my mind – of all information on sensory issues, both in print and online, are geared towards children.

For a while, that knowledge left me feeling like this:

NOT SURE IF FRY

One of the main reasons I started this blog was due to the near absence of information and resources for adults with SPD on the web or in books. The only exception to this would be a few blogs, and Sharon Heller’s Too Loud, Too Bright, Too Fast, Too Tight, which has become the bible for sensory-plagued adults. Unfortunately, SPD adults often find ourselves reading sensory books geared towards children, and attempting to relate the information to our adult lives. It can be awkward.

potty training

not relevant

Like many neurological disorders, sensory processing disorder does not go away with time.

A fun fact is that according to many medical “professionals,” children with sensory processing disorder just learn to live with their problems, or they simply grow out of the disorder.

At age 13, many people – including myself – were turned away from occupational therapists for the sole reason that we were too old to be treated for our sensory issues.

I remember asking my mom, with confusion, “What’s the difference if I’m 12 or 13? I still have the same disorder. I still need help for this.” Momsy didn’t know what to say, and she couldn’t have known.

Here is what I know: growing out of something is for clothing. People grow out of sweaters. People do not usually grow out of neurological conditions. They manage it and – in the case of SPD –  learn ways to live within their specific limitations. SPD can regulated with various therapies (occupational, physical, or psychological), but there is no cure for it just yet. However, this leaves us SPD adults with many problems.

same person

It leaves us feeling a strange sense of being “unwelcome.” Adults are not the target group, if you will, for awareness and research. SPD adults are very much ignored and neglected by the medical community. We often feel a sense of guilt for even asking for/seeking out help from professionals. We are given this look when we mention SPD to our doctors:

wut

This is not Hogwarts, my friends. SPD cannot be sent away with the flick of a wand, nor does it magically vanish when we turn 18. It is not fair or right that adults with neurological conditions such as sensory processing disorder are left in the dark simply because they are adults.

As an adult with SPD, I can assure you that my sensory problems are here to stay (for now). I’ve overcome many of my sensory struggles from my childhood – yes. However, newer and more overwhelming challenges have reared their ugly faces into my life as an adult with this condition.

Due to the belief that SPD is a disorder of childhood – WHICH WE GENIUSES KNOW TO BE FALSEanother belief now exists that there are no adults with SPD at all. Because of this idea that adults don’t have SPD, it is not recognized by our society, and therefore, we cannot get help or respect.

SO WHERE ARE ALL THE ADULTS WITH SPD?

I’ll tell you where they are. They are struggling to find their place in a world that doesn’t work with their sensory system.  Without acknowledgement from our community regarding this conundrum, we find ourselves turned off by the world.

helloworld

herrow

Moral of the story is this:

Adults with SPD are out there.  We are here! (Well, not really. We are actually trying to avoid the entire world while simultaneously being part of the entire world. It’s a tad complicated.)
Spread awareness and educate your fellow human beans that, in fact, adults with neurological condition DO exist. We need your compassion and respect in order to overcome our challenges.

xo kelly

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Dear Depression: You’re Tacky and I Hate You

The following is an open letter to Depression:

Dear Depression,

I am writing to you because I’ve been having some serious concerns with our relationship. I won’t deny the closeness of our bond; we have been friends for many years now, and it often feels as if we are the same person. You know my favorite food, my worst fears, the things that makes me smile, and pretty much everything else – let’s be honest here. You’ve seen me in the shower, for heaven’s sake!

I never wanted things between us to get this intense; to go this far. I knew you liked me from the beginning, and I’ll admit, you seemed strange, but nice nevertheless. I let you into my life, or rather, you let yourself in. I must’ve forgotten to lock my door. From that day forward, you have done nothing but take, take, take. Some people say that their Depression has given them numerous “gifts.” I have not received one gift from you Depression, you selfish poo mongrel.

I constantly compare myself to other people and wonder if you’ve followed them around as you’ve followed me. I’ll never really know because nobody likes to talk about you. Don’t you have other friends besides me? I know you must, but I have yet to meet them.

 

depression 18

depression 19

depression20

DEPRESSION21

 

I am tired. I am so tired of you, and because of you. Here are the things you have made me feel, in no particular order: worthless, unlovable, lazy, disgusting, scared, hopeless, helpless, trapped, and a few more which I will not name for the sake of droning on and on. Depression, must I be exhausted ALL the time? I can’t live my life if you won’t allow me to get out of bed.

DEPRESSION 2

depression3

depression4

depression 5

DEPRESSION6

depression 7

depression 8

depression9

 

Depression, you cannot have me all to yourself. Even simple things, like going for a short walk outside, was made difficult by you.  I’m in an abusive relationship with you. You are my weakness, and I really hate myself for it. You are a manipulative, controlling piece of crap. 

depression 10

DEPRESSION11

depression 12

depression13

 

Depression, I try to do my best and participate in normal life activities, but you always glue yourself to me. For instance, all those years I went to school, you INSISTED on tagging along. It was nearly impossible to focus with you there. Do you know how hard that was?

depression14

depression15

depression16

depression17

DEPRESSION18

There is never a time when I can be without you. It makes me infuriated – why can’t I separate myself from you? I’ve spent a good deal of my time wondering where I’d be without you; what sorts of things might I’ve accomplished without having you always part of the picture? How different would my current state be if you weren’t insistent on tagging along for, well, everything. Sometimes, I just wanted to be alone.

depression22

DEPRESSION23

depression24

depression25

I fight you daily.  I fight you using the power of cuddly and delightful things, such as baby animals. Their adorableness creates a temporary physiological blockade of YOU. For a brief moment, you aren’t part of my life.

depression26

 

depression27

That moment is fleeting, however. You tend to bust in, unannounced.

depression28

depression 29

 

Depression, once and for all, please get out of my life and stay out of my life. Occasional sadness is one thing, I mean, he’s not that bad of a guy. He knows his limits and respects them. You, on the other hand, do not. When I am with you, I become physically ill. When I glance in the mirror, my face belongs to someone else. I think, who is this person? This is not me. I don’t really look like that, right?

It never ceases to amaze me how talented you are at crushing every tiny ounce of positivity I manage to hold onto. So, STOP. I’ve had enough. I’m breaking up with you, and if it was possible, I would love to throw your ugly butt into a large, active volcano.

 

With absolutely no sincerity,

Kelly

 

(I apologize for the hiatus in blog posts. Actually, screw that. I’m not apologizing. I’ve been dealing on and off with severe depression/exhaustion/crapsauce and have been unable to function on a regular basis. In combo with my sensory problems, I’m feeling totally useless being I cannot work/being an adult under these circumstances. BUT I’M ALSO LIKE:

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Liebster Response Questions VIA video!

Two of my internet lovelies have RE-AWARDED me with the Liebster award. Not sure this counts, and honestly, I could simply -re-nomininate them and the cycle will NEVER END. MUAHAHAHAH

To spice things up a bit, I’ve made VIDEO RESPONSES, answering their questions to me.

Here’s the response to AUNTY SOCIAL:

VIDEO 1

Here’s the response to FULL SPECTRUM MAMA:

VIDEO 2

ENJOY MAH FACE,

XOXOXO

kelly

How to tell if you’re a terrible dancer

It’s a question that has plagued people for generations: do I suck on the dance floor? Chances are, if you’re asking yourself this, the answer will most likely be a resounding yes.

Luckily, I’ve spent the evening creating an easy-to-understand method of analysis for those whose dance skills are in jeopardy.

 

Step 1: Identify the Cause

What is the reason behind your need to dance?

A. I am Lord of the Dance; dance is the language of my body and my life. I AM dance.

B. I am battling inner demons, and using physical means, such as dance, to exorcise their presence from my soul.

C. I’m like, at this party, and everyone is dancing. So, like, me too. Yay me!

D. I feel super fat, so I’m dancing as a form of exercise so I can look like Kim Kardashian because I think she’s a GODDESS. I read that on a Buzzfeed comment one time while waiting for my mocha latte at Starbucks. Did you know her butt has it’s own fan club!

E. I have toddlers and I must entertain them or else they’ll destroy me.

F. I’m only dancing to embarrass my children.

 

Step 2: Select your letter option (A, B, C, D, E, or F), then continue accordingly

If you picked A: 

A1: I have extensive training in dance. Like, full PRO.

✓ YOU ARE NOT A TERRIBLE DANCER. IN FACT, GET OFF THE DANCE FLOOR, YOU’RE MAKING EVERYONE LOOK BAD.

A2: I took dance classes as a kid and now I’m an extra-flexible adult with strong core muscles.

✓ YOU ARE NOT A TERRIBLE DANCER. YOU SET THE PACE ON THE DANCE FLOOR. STAY COOL.

A3: I am Lord of the Dance because I said so.

× YOU ARE A TERRIBLE DANCER, BUT KEEP DANCING. WE ADMIRE YOUR SPIRIT AND ENTHUSIASM.

 

If you picked B:

B1: I have mental health issues and I’m losing my $%#@. Therefore, I dance.

× YOU ARE A TERRIBLE DANCER, BUT YOUR SANITY IS ON THE LINE, SO DON’T STOP.

B2: I’m trying to cure my depression through fun activities, so I’m dancing.

× YOU ARE A TERRIBLE DANCER, BUT YOU ARE NOT GIVING INTO DEPRESSION, SO YOU WIN.

B3: I am literally possessed by a demon who enjoys flailing my limbs around.

✓ DEPENDING ON THE SKILLS OF SAID DEMON, YOU MAY NOT BE A TERRIBLE DANCER.

If you picked C:

C1: I’m at a party/wedding/celebration and everyone is dancing. EVERYONE.

× YOU ARE PROBABLY A TERRIBLE DANCER, BUT NOBODY CARES BECAUSE THEY SUCK TOO. AND EVERYONE’S DRUNK.

C2: I’m a young person at a stupid teenage party/prom/Valentines’ dance and everyone is dancing. EVERYONE. SOME PEOPLE MAY BE DRUNK.

× THAT’S A LIE IF I EVER HEARD ONE! LOTS OF PEOPLE DON’T DANCE AT PROM. WHY ARE YOU EVEN THERE? GO HOME AND DO SOMETHING PRODUCTIVE LIKE BUILDING A SECRET SOCIETY OF TERRIBLE DANCERS. ALSO, YOU ARE A TERRIBLE DANCER.

If you picked D:

D1: I’m just doing this because this is what people on social media do when getting “hot and fit.” My latte is liquid heaven.

× YOUR MOCHA LATTE IS LOADED WITH SUGAR WHICH WILL CANCEL OUT ANY WEIGHT LOSS OR FITNESS POTENTIAL FROM DANCING. YOU ARE A TERRIBLE DANCER.

D2: I want to be Kim Kardashian.

× YOU ARE NOT KIM KARDASHIAN. BUT I’LL TELL YA, YOU ARE VERY LIKELY TO BE A TERRIBLE DANCER.

D3: I want to be Kim Kardashian’s butt. Just the butt; nothing more and nothing less.

✓ YOU ARE A SUPREMELY SKILLED DANCER.

If you picked E:

E1: I did some weird movement with my legs and my shoulders, and now my kids are laughing hysterically.

✓YOU ARE A LEGEND. YOU ARE AN OUTSTANDING DANCER, KNOWN ACROSS THE GLOBE FOR YOUR IMPROVISATION AND UNIQUE STYLE. YOU’VE GOT STAMINA AND MUSCLES; YOU ARE A TRUE DANCER.

E1: I was dancing and now my kids are trying to murder me.

× YOUR TODDLERS ARE NOT AMUSED WITH YOUR SKILLS; TANTRUMS GALORE. YOU ARE A TERRIBLE DANCER. I’M SO SORRY. RUN FOR YOUR LIFE.

If you picked F:

F1: I am in a public place with my children and I feel the need to humiliate them through dance.

✓ NOT ONLY ARE YOU A GOOD PARENT, BUT YOU ARE A MIGHTY SUCCESSFUL DANCER.

There you have it! Are you a terrible dancer? Comment with your results below, there is no shame here, internet friends. And remember, just because you can’t dance doesn’t mean you shouldn’t dance. Where would this world be without it’s terrible wonderful variety of dancers?

xo kelly

The Liebster Award, you say?

As it turns out, fellow blogger, Anna Regina, author of diversion3000.wordpress.com, nominated me for this lovely little thing known as the Liebster Award. Here it is:

(I’m not a fan of the design, honestly. It looks like a blah-green bottle cap. Ugh, I’m so judgmental.)

liebster2

The Liebster award is given between internet bloggers to show admiration and stuff. Therefore, I must continue to pass it on.

The rules of the Liebster Award:

1. Thank your nominator:

So, thank you Anna Regina for this nomination, I am most flattered. In fact, I am now very flat, if you must know.

2. Answer the questions given by the nominator:

Why did you start this blog?

I started it because there was hardly any information for adults with sensory processing disorder online. Also, I like to write and illustrate.

Candy or cake?

Cake, obviously.

Who’s your hero?

My Momsy.

What’s your biggest fear?

Damn you, I refuse to answer this. My enemies could read this and use it against me at a future date. Not taking that chance, thank you very much.

Do you consider yourself a nerd or a kool kid?

Nerd.

Winter or Summer?

Winter.

Are you addicted to any TV show?

The Walking Dead.

What’s your favorite place in the world?

hahahahahah my bed

Name 5 things you like.

books, plants, art, fairies, sweets

Instagram or Vine?

Instagram

3. Nominate other bloggers:

Coming to My Senses

Aunty Social

Full Spectrum Mama

Problems With Infinity

History of Bad Parties

David Snape

4. Create 10 questions for your nominations:

1. Harry Potter or Lord of the Rings?

2. What’s your zombie apocalypse survival tool?

3. If you could be one animal for 24 hours, which one would you be and why?

4. If you had to choose between living 200 years in the past, or 200 years in the unknown future, which would you choose?

5. I have 5 apples, I gave one to your friend, and then I gave 3 to you. Finally, I gave you 1 apple. How many chickens crossed the road?

6. Name one food and one beverage to consume for the rest of your life.

7. Number of Pixar movies that made you cry?

8. Speaking of, name your most favorite Pixar movie.

9. Respond to the following statement: “Last week, Japanese scientists explaced – placed – explosive detonators at the bottom of Loch Ness to blow Nessie out of the water. Sir Court Godfrey of the Nessie Alliance summoned the help of Scotland’s local wizards to cast a protective spell over the lake and its local residents and all those who seek for the peaceful existence of our underwater ally.”

10. Meow?

All there you have it; The Liebster Award. If I’ve nominated you, you can accept the nomination, answer the questions I’ve created, and pass it on. Or you can respectfully decline and my feelings won’t be crushed or anything. I’ll still love you.

xo kelly

Enough with the Fireworks

I’m here to declare July 4th as the worst Holiday ever. Columbus Day is a close second, by the way.

Don’t get me wrong internet friends, I support freedom and independence from the British empire. Our flag has lots of nice stars and stripes on it, and red, white and blue are a sweet color combination. That’s all very nice.

But July 4th is only known for one thing:

FIREWORKS

The concept of fireworks really irks me.

(And no, this is not because I have sensory processing disorder and fireworks are the bane of my existence, much like thunderstorms, barking dogs, escalators, and clothing tags to name a few.)

Shooting off fireworks on July 4th is awesomesauce for many people. Fireworks are colorful, big, and very loud, and I’ve learned that most people like colorful, big and very loud things. (My sensory-avoiding friends make a collective eye roll and groan here.)

Still, there are less – but still plenty – of people who dislike fireworks for various reasons.

 

Imagine this scenario: It’s National Blob Day, and everyone is celebrating. However, some people experience pain when people use blobs.

blob day 1

better blob day 2

blob day 4

blob day 3

 

It really bothers me that even though many people are aware of the struggle and pain that this “holiday” brings for thousands of people – and animals – across the country, they insist on shooting off fireworks anyway. Because, you know, apparently their fun is more important than the mental and physical well being of their neighbors. Why is this ok?

 

It makes no sense to me.

July 4th makes a miserable experience for veterans, trauma victims, people with disabilities, elderly and young children who are frightened of sudden sound, and many animals. How is it fair, to the middle aged man with severe war trauma, to sit sobbing and delirious for hours because people want to celebrate? How is it fair to the child with autism, who cries and punches herself in the head because the sound of fireworks are so disturbing to her? How is it fair to the neighbor’s dogs, who run around whining and cowering for hours because people want to enjoy explosives?

 

I wouldn’t mind the fireworks so much, except for the fact that people in residential areas use them –  many use them illegally, mind you. I understand that we live in a loud world where life is unfair and unkind to people whose bodies and minds deviate from the “norm,” whatever normal is. I understand that people want to celebrate and have fun, and that fireworks are traditional. But I simply can’t get past the anger I feel knowing that people continue to use explosives when so many suffer because of them. These people are not going to July 4th parties, and then getting upset over the fireworks. These are people in their own homes, not knowing where to go to escape the sound. I admit that I have considered driving to Canada for the weekend, in a desperate attempt to avoid this. There is literally nowhere to hide.

Imagine this other scenario:

Several of your neighbors are highly allergic to roses. The scent of them traveling through the air gives them a terrible, but non life-threatening allergic reaction. Still, every Spring, you argue that you have to plant all your roses because they make your house look nice and you really like to garden. Your neighbors will suffer for a while, but roses are SO PRETTY, so you do it anyway.

Any decent human must recognize that this is ridiculous, and quite frankly, bullying. But if we replace roses with fireworks, this suddenly becomes ok? Sadly, I know fireworks will always be part of this holiday, and there is little I can do to stop that.

 

This weekend, I will be on high-alert. I will put uncomfortable ear plugs in as the sun sets. I will sit close to my dog, his body wrapped tightly in his thundershirt; his one paw is picked up off the ground – he is nervous and upset. I will try to sleep through the storm of sudden and random explosions . My entire body jumps with each one, and my ears ache. It’s a long night, and the same will happen on Sunday. I know many, many others like me will wake up like this:

morning after july 4

But at least some people out there are having fun, right?

 

xo kelly

The Big Band-Aid Calamity

A few months ago, I was cutting some mat board to put with a framed drawing. Tragically, I lost my grip on the mat knife and accidentally sliced my left index finger.  I grabbed my finger tightly and ran to the bathroom where, luckily for me, Momsy was there to assist me with my new wound.

The minute I released my hand on my finger, blood began to pour. It was like a horror movie, (if that horror movie was about Momsy and I standing in the bathroom, and I was just saying “ow, ow, ow”). TERRIFYING.

We wrapped it up quickly as a dull throb slowly began to overtake my whole hand. I’m lucky to be alive, honestly.

stitches 1

stitches 2

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After a while, we re-wrapped the large cut with proper bandages and gauze. It wasn’t until this moment that I realized the doom which I now faced.

The new bandage monstrosity on my tiny finger was a huge sensory turnoff. I mean, HUGE.

I couldn’t for the life of me stop sensing the bandages on my finger. It wasn’t the pain, which was slightly annoying, rather, the heap of gauze, tape, and other junk piled onto my finger tip was like an assault on my entire sensory system. I’m not kidding you when I say that the illustration below displays the actual bandage to finger ratio:

stitches 4

Two days passed and still, the bandage predicament consumed my thoughts and will to live. My family informed me that I have been walking around the entire time with my finger stuck out awkwardly. Humiliated and moody, I told them that I had no idea that I was doing that, and further, I couldn’t seem to control it. I’d try to push it down into normal finger position, but it would pop right back up like a jack-in-the-box.

STITCHES 5

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STITCHES 8

A week passed, and still my ugly finger wound was relentless in its quest to destroy me via sensory tactile WARFARE.

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As a child, I had similar reactions to things like denim, tags in clothing, or socks that became awkwardly bunched in my shoe. I referred to the sock problem as a “coo-eee.” All were the cause of extreme distress. Parents with sensory kids, I know you feel me right now.

As an adult, I’ve managed to conquer the denim thing, but the same cannot be said for the clothing tags and sock cooees. Sensory adults, I know you feel me right now.

The giant band-aid was merely the tip of the iceberg, so to speak. If I was having a bad sensory day, my band-aid finger was sure to put me over the edge.

stitches 10

Thankfully, because the world is merciful, I was upgraded to a single band-aid after two weeks. I saw the light at the end of the tunnel. Perhaps there was hope after all!

One morning, that glorious day had arrived where I needed no band-aid whatsoever. My finger was free! And so was I.

All that remains now is a scar on my finger tip – the memory of a harrowing three-week period of sensory insanity. I will never again underestimate the mental anguish that a bandage can cause. More importantly, my finger returned to its resting position, and life went on. My tiny scar and I became very close.

stitches 11

xo kelly

 

 

Tina vs LSP

I’m unsure if this comparison exists already, but seeing as Tina Belcher from Bob’s Burgers and Lumpy Space Princess (LSP) from Adventure Time are two of my most beloved television characters of all time, I thought I would go ahead and make a blerg post about them. These two characters represent the epitome of the phrase, “always be true to yourself.” Through this comparison, I hope it becomes clear that they are fantastic models for morality, honesty, and integrity.

This is Tina Belcher:

Tina_render

She is the eldest daughter of Bob and Linda Belcher, and sister to Gene and Louise. Her family owns a restaurant, Bob’s Burgers.

bobs_burgers__season_05_929b4912_us_v2_463

This is Lumpy Space Princesss, more commonly known as, LSP:

general lsp

LSP presumably lives in Lumpy Space with her parents. Although, she often runs away and spends time wandering all over the Land of Ooo (the main setting in Adventure Time).

The Tina Trinity: Boys, Zombies, and Unicorns

Tina loves boys, zombies, and unicorns; not always in that order.

tina everything

unicorns tina

tina zombies

(I love the swagger of zombies too, Tina. Me too.)

Tina’s most highly-prized boy is a young lad named Jimmy Junior, a fellow student at Wagstaff School. Although Tina is religiously devoted to Jimmy, she is especially dedicated to his butt.

buns

jimmy butt 2

Sadly for Tina, Jimmy is not as enthusiastic towards romance as she would like. Still, her fixation on him (and his butt cheeks) remains strong.

Boys, zombies, and unicorns all converge in Tina’s fan fiction  – a notebook filled with her fantasy musings.

The LSP Trinity: Boys, Independence, and Physical Appearance

Much like Tina, LSP dedicates her time to hunting down “hot guys” to date and potentially marry. Unlike Tina, LSP’s priorities are unrealistically high.

babe with money lsp

Back in Lumpy Space, LSP does everything she can to gain independence from her parents, including living out in the wilderness with a can of beans, and joining a pack of wolves.

lsp beans

Like Tina, LSP enjoys writing and dreams of an exciting career as a famous novelist.

lsp books

LSP’s biggest trait is her obsession with, well, herself. She has no filter, and is well-aware of her best features. There is no shame here, folks.

self absorbed lsp

Being Real

Need a fresh dose of reality? Tina and LSP have got you covered. Whether it’s a reflection on their own lives or a reflection on the lives of others, they always know what to say.

In bad times:

floor dying

lsp love fall

They know what to say to make things right:

honest lsp

boob

 Fresh Attitude

Tina and LSP are fluent in the language of sass. This takes years of experience, persistence, and a ruthless mentality.

goof life

lump off

ass grass

what the lump

Be True to Yourself

Above all, Tina and LSP both possess the ability to remain true to who they are; individuality is of the utmost importance.

strong smart sensual woman

lump influence

So here’s to you Tina Belcher – you strong, smart, sensual woman. You unicorn-fantasizing, boy-chasing, crap-attacking, zombie-butt cheek checking, adolescent.

And to you, LSP – you lumpy, trashy-novel, beauty queen, drama-bomb, fresh-to-death, honest-to-glob, princess.

tina faceangry lsp

(Angry LSP by Ricardo Perez Moreno)

 Stay weird; stay awesome; stay you.

xo kelly

(note about images: with the exception of the first image before the title of this post, the rest of the images featured are not mine. They’re mostly screenshots from the two featured tv shows, and a few I’ve found using google. I’ve given credit to the images when I’ve found the source. If you happen to know the source of the uncredited images, please let me know in the comments, thanks!)

Sensory Sea Turtle

Attention sensory human beans of the earth, and beyond:

wah beans

I have discovered the internet meme, Sensory Sea Turtle via the appropriately named tumblr blog, fyeahsensoryseaturtle.tumblr.com

The joy and delight I feel over this discovery is past the realm of comprehension.

wha are these feeels

 

The internet community, in all its glory, created a meme specifically for Sensory Processing Disorder. What an honor, really.

Sensory Sea Turtle is a way for SPD’ers everywhere to share and acknowledge the insane amount of issues that results from SPD. Sensory Sea Turtle is sometimes crude, sometimes gentle, and absolute perfection in every way.

 

The following 14 Sensory Sea Turtle memes are from the blog above, fyeahsensoryseaturtle, aka, they are not mine and I did not create them. (WARNING: some of the memes contain bad language)

1. occupational hazard

sensory turtle 16

 

2. hopeless romantic

sensory turtle 15

 

3. ain’t playin’ no games! (also, please ignore the misspelled word in this one. Have mercy on its creator, somewhere out there, someone doesn’t know the lose/loose difference).

sensory turtle 7

 

4. a hot dog prison, essentially

sensory turtle 8

 

5. gotta keep it real

sensory turtle 4!!!!

 

6. went to a movie!? WHAT ARE YOU, SPD SUPERMAN? sheesh

senory turtle 9

 

7. only thing worse than an emergency is the alert system: BUUUS RUUUU ZOOO RAPPP weeeeeeeeee

sensory turtle 10

 

8. while in a room full of successful, fully-functioning, neurotypical human beans…

sensory turtle 11

 

9. time to get new frenz I suppose

sensory turtle 3

 

10.  story of my entire college experience….

sensory turtle 13

 

11. rock on

sensory turtle 14

 

12. demonic attire

sensory turtle 12

 

13. in the midst of a nightmare

sensory turtle

 

14. slight miscommunication

sensory turtle 5

 

See? Sensory Sea Turtle is just like you and me. (Except he’s a turtle, and he’s also a product of the internet, and he doesn’t exist in real life.)

Sensory friends, let us make Sensory Sea Turtle our international mascot. He is the face of our mission (our mission to do stuff, and things…). He is the uniting force that brings us together in times of despair.

Thank you, Sensory Sea Turtle. Thank you. May you never get suffocated by oceanic trash. We love you.

xo kelly

 

The Things I Need

The following blog blerg post is short writing piece I sent to The Mighty, a website that publishes short stories that empower the human spirit, specifically, human spirits with various disabilities or special needs. Anyone can send a story to this website, so I spent quite a while writing this little number below, as well as created two illustrations to go along with it. After all, who would I be if I didn’t include an awkward illustration in my blerg posts?
To my dismay, I received an email stating that this was not going to be published on their website, but they would be happy to receive other/different stories from me in the future.
Still, I wrote from the recesses of my shoul (yes, my shoul); I spent a lot of time working on this, and it would be wrong to keep it to myself knowing that someone out there might benefit from my words.
So I’m sharing it with you, dear reader:

 

The Things I Need

I am someone who has lived with a neurological condition my entire life. At the ripe old age of twenty-four, it has become clear to me what I need from those around me, and more importantly, what I don’t need.

I have learned that people are generally very uncomfortable and rather ignorant when it comes to interaction with those of us who are dealing with any sort of brain dysfunction. Whether it be mental health problems, or autism, or epilepsy – the gray mushy blob in our skulls causes us to experience numerous struggles to which people often don’t know how to react.

This lack of awareness in the world has caused me to place a high value on the few people in my life who have shown a great depth of understanding for my unique challenges. These people are my gold. It wasn’t until recently that I wondered as to why I prized these people the way I did. My thoughts traveled to the idea that, as a person with a disability, I need certain things from people around me. But these things weren’t really things, they were intangible; they were tiny, unforgettable moments of compassion and empathy.

They were things I needed to feel.

 

A question arose in my mind. How I don’t want people to make me feel?

The answers appeared slowly, accompanied by a sinking feeling somewhere deep within my chest: burdening, weak, dramatic, pathetic, incapable, overwhelming.

I don’t need a doctor to make me feel like I’ve wasted his time. I don’t need someone to tell me to “snap out of” my depression or anxiety. I don’t need people to assume what I’m able and not able to do. I don’t need people to separate me from my condition, as if it’s an insult to be considered disabled or ill.

life bad

Those are the things I don’t need.

 

So the question then became, how do I want people to make me feel?

The answers entered my mind quickly and randomly, in bursts, suddenly like bright fireworks against a dark sky: loved, supported, strong, independent, accepted, wanted.

I know now that the people in my life who I value like gold not only make me feel the things I do need to feel, but they erase the possibility that I could ever feel the things I don’t need to feel. Burdening, weak, dramatic, pathetic, incapable, or overwhelming; these are not options, ever.

 

I need someone to say to me, “Damn, this sucks. Let’s lay on the couch today and just talk and eat cupcakes.” I need medical professionals to treat me like a person, and not a number. I need honesty, laughter, and equal amounts optimism and pessimism (for when I don’t want to pretend to be happy and positive for five minutes, please). I need someone to hug me for no reason – and I mean, a real hug, not one of those crummy-half-pat-on-the-back-for-two-seconds hugs.

life good

As one of my most beloved writers, Maya Angelou, stated, “At the end of the day, people won’t remember what you said or did, they will remember how you made them feel.”

 

xo Kelly