Month: July 2015

Liebster Response Questions VIA video!

Two of my internet lovelies have RE-AWARDED me with the Liebster award. Not sure this counts, and honestly, I could simply -re-nomininate them and the cycle will NEVER END. MUAHAHAHAH

To spice things up a bit, I’ve made VIDEO RESPONSES, answering their questions to me.

Here’s the response to AUNTY SOCIAL:

VIDEO 1

Here’s the response to FULL SPECTRUM MAMA:

VIDEO 2

ENJOY MAH FACE,

XOXOXO

kelly

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How to tell if you’re a terrible dancer

It’s a question that has plagued people for generations: do I suck on the dance floor? Chances are, if you’re asking yourself this, the answer will most likely be a resounding yes.

Luckily, I’ve spent the evening creating an easy-to-understand method of analysis for those whose dance skills are in jeopardy.

 

Step 1: Identify the Cause

What is the reason behind your need to dance?

A. I am Lord of the Dance; dance is the language of my body and my life. I AM dance.

B. I am battling inner demons, and using physical means, such as dance, to exorcise their presence from my soul.

C. I’m like, at this party, and everyone is dancing. So, like, me too. Yay me!

D. I feel super fat, so I’m dancing as a form of exercise so I can look like Kim Kardashian because I think she’s a GODDESS. I read that on a Buzzfeed comment one time while waiting for my mocha latte at Starbucks. Did you know her butt has it’s own fan club!

E. I have toddlers and I must entertain them or else they’ll destroy me.

F. I’m only dancing to embarrass my children.

 

Step 2: Select your letter option (A, B, C, D, E, or F), then continue accordingly

If you picked A: 

A1: I have extensive training in dance. Like, full PRO.

✓ YOU ARE NOT A TERRIBLE DANCER. IN FACT, GET OFF THE DANCE FLOOR, YOU’RE MAKING EVERYONE LOOK BAD.

A2: I took dance classes as a kid and now I’m an extra-flexible adult with strong core muscles.

✓ YOU ARE NOT A TERRIBLE DANCER. YOU SET THE PACE ON THE DANCE FLOOR. STAY COOL.

A3: I am Lord of the Dance because I said so.

× YOU ARE A TERRIBLE DANCER, BUT KEEP DANCING. WE ADMIRE YOUR SPIRIT AND ENTHUSIASM.

 

If you picked B:

B1: I have mental health issues and I’m losing my $%#@. Therefore, I dance.

× YOU ARE A TERRIBLE DANCER, BUT YOUR SANITY IS ON THE LINE, SO DON’T STOP.

B2: I’m trying to cure my depression through fun activities, so I’m dancing.

× YOU ARE A TERRIBLE DANCER, BUT YOU ARE NOT GIVING INTO DEPRESSION, SO YOU WIN.

B3: I am literally possessed by a demon who enjoys flailing my limbs around.

✓ DEPENDING ON THE SKILLS OF SAID DEMON, YOU MAY NOT BE A TERRIBLE DANCER.

If you picked C:

C1: I’m at a party/wedding/celebration and everyone is dancing. EVERYONE.

× YOU ARE PROBABLY A TERRIBLE DANCER, BUT NOBODY CARES BECAUSE THEY SUCK TOO. AND EVERYONE’S DRUNK.

C2: I’m a young person at a stupid teenage party/prom/Valentines’ dance and everyone is dancing. EVERYONE. SOME PEOPLE MAY BE DRUNK.

× THAT’S A LIE IF I EVER HEARD ONE! LOTS OF PEOPLE DON’T DANCE AT PROM. WHY ARE YOU EVEN THERE? GO HOME AND DO SOMETHING PRODUCTIVE LIKE BUILDING A SECRET SOCIETY OF TERRIBLE DANCERS. ALSO, YOU ARE A TERRIBLE DANCER.

If you picked D:

D1: I’m just doing this because this is what people on social media do when getting “hot and fit.” My latte is liquid heaven.

× YOUR MOCHA LATTE IS LOADED WITH SUGAR WHICH WILL CANCEL OUT ANY WEIGHT LOSS OR FITNESS POTENTIAL FROM DANCING. YOU ARE A TERRIBLE DANCER.

D2: I want to be Kim Kardashian.

× YOU ARE NOT KIM KARDASHIAN. BUT I’LL TELL YA, YOU ARE VERY LIKELY TO BE A TERRIBLE DANCER.

D3: I want to be Kim Kardashian’s butt. Just the butt; nothing more and nothing less.

✓ YOU ARE A SUPREMELY SKILLED DANCER.

If you picked E:

E1: I did some weird movement with my legs and my shoulders, and now my kids are laughing hysterically.

✓YOU ARE A LEGEND. YOU ARE AN OUTSTANDING DANCER, KNOWN ACROSS THE GLOBE FOR YOUR IMPROVISATION AND UNIQUE STYLE. YOU’VE GOT STAMINA AND MUSCLES; YOU ARE A TRUE DANCER.

E1: I was dancing and now my kids are trying to murder me.

× YOUR TODDLERS ARE NOT AMUSED WITH YOUR SKILLS; TANTRUMS GALORE. YOU ARE A TERRIBLE DANCER. I’M SO SORRY. RUN FOR YOUR LIFE.

If you picked F:

F1: I am in a public place with my children and I feel the need to humiliate them through dance.

✓ NOT ONLY ARE YOU A GOOD PARENT, BUT YOU ARE A MIGHTY SUCCESSFUL DANCER.

There you have it! Are you a terrible dancer? Comment with your results below, there is no shame here, internet friends. And remember, just because you can’t dance doesn’t mean you shouldn’t dance. Where would this world be without it’s terrible wonderful variety of dancers?

xo kelly

The Liebster Award, you say?

As it turns out, fellow blogger, Anna Regina, author of diversion3000.wordpress.com, nominated me for this lovely little thing known as the Liebster Award. Here it is:

(I’m not a fan of the design, honestly. It looks like a blah-green bottle cap. Ugh, I’m so judgmental.)

liebster2

The Liebster award is given between internet bloggers to show admiration and stuff. Therefore, I must continue to pass it on.

The rules of the Liebster Award:

1. Thank your nominator:

So, thank you Anna Regina for this nomination, I am most flattered. In fact, I am now very flat, if you must know.

2. Answer the questions given by the nominator:

Why did you start this blog?

I started it because there was hardly any information for adults with sensory processing disorder online. Also, I like to write and illustrate.

Candy or cake?

Cake, obviously.

Who’s your hero?

My Momsy.

What’s your biggest fear?

Damn you, I refuse to answer this. My enemies could read this and use it against me at a future date. Not taking that chance, thank you very much.

Do you consider yourself a nerd or a kool kid?

Nerd.

Winter or Summer?

Winter.

Are you addicted to any TV show?

The Walking Dead.

What’s your favorite place in the world?

hahahahahah my bed

Name 5 things you like.

books, plants, art, fairies, sweets

Instagram or Vine?

Instagram

3. Nominate other bloggers:

Coming to My Senses

Aunty Social

Full Spectrum Mama

Problems With Infinity

History of Bad Parties

David Snape

4. Create 10 questions for your nominations:

1. Harry Potter or Lord of the Rings?

2. What’s your zombie apocalypse survival tool?

3. If you could be one animal for 24 hours, which one would you be and why?

4. If you had to choose between living 200 years in the past, or 200 years in the unknown future, which would you choose?

5. I have 5 apples, I gave one to your friend, and then I gave 3 to you. Finally, I gave you 1 apple. How many chickens crossed the road?

6. Name one food and one beverage to consume for the rest of your life.

7. Number of Pixar movies that made you cry?

8. Speaking of, name your most favorite Pixar movie.

9. Respond to the following statement: “Last week, Japanese scientists explaced – placed – explosive detonators at the bottom of Loch Ness to blow Nessie out of the water. Sir Court Godfrey of the Nessie Alliance summoned the help of Scotland’s local wizards to cast a protective spell over the lake and its local residents and all those who seek for the peaceful existence of our underwater ally.”

10. Meow?

All there you have it; The Liebster Award. If I’ve nominated you, you can accept the nomination, answer the questions I’ve created, and pass it on. Or you can respectfully decline and my feelings won’t be crushed or anything. I’ll still love you.

xo kelly

Enough with the Fireworks

I’m here to declare July 4th as the worst Holiday ever. Columbus Day is a close second, by the way.

Don’t get me wrong internet friends, I support freedom and independence from the British empire. Our flag has lots of nice stars and stripes on it, and red, white and blue are a sweet color combination. That’s all very nice.

But July 4th is only known for one thing:

FIREWORKS

The concept of fireworks really irks me.

(And no, this is not because I have sensory processing disorder and fireworks are the bane of my existence, much like thunderstorms, barking dogs, escalators, and clothing tags to name a few.)

Shooting off fireworks on July 4th is awesomesauce for many people. Fireworks are colorful, big, and very loud, and I’ve learned that most people like colorful, big and very loud things. (My sensory-avoiding friends make a collective eye roll and groan here.)

Still, there are less – but still plenty – of people who dislike fireworks for various reasons.

 

Imagine this scenario: It’s National Blob Day, and everyone is celebrating. However, some people experience pain when people use blobs.

blob day 1

better blob day 2

blob day 4

blob day 3

 

It really bothers me that even though many people are aware of the struggle and pain that this “holiday” brings for thousands of people – and animals – across the country, they insist on shooting off fireworks anyway. Because, you know, apparently their fun is more important than the mental and physical well being of their neighbors. Why is this ok?

 

It makes no sense to me.

July 4th makes a miserable experience for veterans, trauma victims, people with disabilities, elderly and young children who are frightened of sudden sound, and many animals. How is it fair, to the middle aged man with severe war trauma, to sit sobbing and delirious for hours because people want to celebrate? How is it fair to the child with autism, who cries and punches herself in the head because the sound of fireworks are so disturbing to her? How is it fair to the neighbor’s dogs, who run around whining and cowering for hours because people want to enjoy explosives?

 

I wouldn’t mind the fireworks so much, except for the fact that people in residential areas use them –  many use them illegally, mind you. I understand that we live in a loud world where life is unfair and unkind to people whose bodies and minds deviate from the “norm,” whatever normal is. I understand that people want to celebrate and have fun, and that fireworks are traditional. But I simply can’t get past the anger I feel knowing that people continue to use explosives when so many suffer because of them. These people are not going to July 4th parties, and then getting upset over the fireworks. These are people in their own homes, not knowing where to go to escape the sound. I admit that I have considered driving to Canada for the weekend, in a desperate attempt to avoid this. There is literally nowhere to hide.

Imagine this other scenario:

Several of your neighbors are highly allergic to roses. The scent of them traveling through the air gives them a terrible, but non life-threatening allergic reaction. Still, every Spring, you argue that you have to plant all your roses because they make your house look nice and you really like to garden. Your neighbors will suffer for a while, but roses are SO PRETTY, so you do it anyway.

Any decent human must recognize that this is ridiculous, and quite frankly, bullying. But if we replace roses with fireworks, this suddenly becomes ok? Sadly, I know fireworks will always be part of this holiday, and there is little I can do to stop that.

 

This weekend, I will be on high-alert. I will put uncomfortable ear plugs in as the sun sets. I will sit close to my dog, his body wrapped tightly in his thundershirt; his one paw is picked up off the ground – he is nervous and upset. I will try to sleep through the storm of sudden and random explosions . My entire body jumps with each one, and my ears ache. It’s a long night, and the same will happen on Sunday. I know many, many others like me will wake up like this:

morning after july 4

But at least some people out there are having fun, right?

 

xo kelly